Friday, February 26, 2010

Hello World

Hellllllooooo there friends! I have been taking a break from blogging for a little while, but I think I am ready to get back into it. I have my original bloglet (which will not go away and will continue to be updated) but my blog at Wordpress was not letting me do what I felt like I wanted to do with it. This one is semi-anonymous, but if you know anything about my story, you know that this is me. I am just not going to be telling the friends and family about this one. My husband and I are tired of “Sympathy” and people saying “I’m so sorry” to us that the past 3 months of our life has kind of been a secret.

I have been typing in word everything that has happened so that I could remember and then… I was going to post it all on my Wordpress site… it turns out that some really bad stuff happened, and I do not really want to share it with all our friends, but I DO need to talk about it. So, without further adieu, here is “The Story of My Life”.

I am a twenty-something lady who lives in small town, western Pennsylvania. I have a wonderful husband whom I have had marital bliss for the past 4 ½ years and I could not have asked for a better man. I have a beautiful little baby girl who is in heaven and has been there for the past 18 months. She was 12 ½ weeks old when she passed away.

It was not a surprise that she was going to pass… She was very sick. I went to great detail on my other blog of her story but for brevity, I am going to say that while I was pregnant with her, I needed a surgery. It was supposed to be a very simple surgery and in the end… it turned out very badly. My daughter was without blood and oxygen for too long and it damaged her brain so much that she was born with essentially a brain stem. Not something that can be fixed. You can not grow a new brain, you can not have a brain transplant and you can not exist with only a brainstem.

After several very hard days at the hospital, we decided to bring our little angel home with us and to treat her like a normal baby girl. He was supposed to live for about 7-10 days according to the “experts”; however, she was a fighter and liked her mommy and daddy and ended up living for 12 ½ weeks. She was a beautiful gift from God and we enjoyed every moment we had with her.

While I was pregnant and because of the surgery I had, I also got very sick. I developed cardiomyopathy (heart failure for those of us who are not doctors) and I needed to get my heart function back. It took some time and some doctor switching… and a lot of research on my part, but in about a year and 3 months I finally found a doctor who would listen to ME about my problems and take MY recommendations about how to fix me. I was on a lot of medicines, always tired and sick a lot. After I found Dr. Electricity as I like to call him, I immediately got my heart function back and was cured. Within 3 months I was off all my medicines and was on the road to have another baby!

This is where the story gets even better. We started to have unprotected sex… yes, that is how you have a baby… and soon enough, I was showing all the signs of pregnancy. I was feeling nauseous, by chesticles were growing at an alarming rate, I was more tired that I had been and I was gaining some weight. So, I bit the bullet and peed on a stick. Well, low and behold, I was pregnant again! I am proud to say my husband has some big time swimmers and they really know how to find that egg. I had to make some appointments and it was about a week until my appointments and I was so excited… and I started to bleed.

I went to my doctor who told me my uterus “felt” pregnant, but he wasn’t sure. I needed a blood test. I had my blood test and he said I was not pregnant anymore. Ok, it was a ricelet as I like to call it and I didn’t feel a huge loss. I would rather that happen than what happened with the last pregnancy. So in the next week I thought I miscarried all that was in there.

The next month (about 35 days later) when I expected my “dot” (do you like that, instead of period, I like to say dot) it never came. I told my husband “maybe I didn’t miscarry” and so I peed on another stick. Needless to say we go through a lot of sticks at our house lately. The test said pregnant! Hmmm…. What was that that happened last month? So I called the Doctor again, who by this time probably thought I was pretty obsessed, and told him what was happening. He sent me for more bloodwork and low and behold, I was pregnant. I had an appointment scheduled for the following Monday (and this was Friday) and so I just said I would get an ultrasound then.

Saturday evening I began to bleed again. WTF is happening!?! Am I pregnant or not? So I went to the ultrasound and I have done enough reading and research that I know what a baby should look like on a sonogram. I saw the sac that should have had a baby inside it. The sac was empty though. There was no baby and the sac was malformed. It turns out that my body thought I was still pregnant from the miscarriage the month before and did not expel the placenta. I know… that is so weird!!! So after bleeding for about 11 days, I think that all the pregnancy particles are out of my body and in a couple months I am free to start again!

On top of all of this fun, my husband and I decided we want to build a new home. Our home is wonderful and I love it and I love living close to my parents, but we need a fresh start. Somewhere without all the bad memories that keep haunting me… like every single day.

And if that were not enough, I am trying to get myself promoted at my job in order to have a better schedule, a better pay and a better job.

This blog is going to document The Life Changes I am making right now and hopefully you want to come along for the ride!

A couple housekeeping things… please do not judge my spelling or grammar. I am not an English major, I was a business and math major and I lurve to make up words… so sorry. I really like to get comments and if you have a question about anything, I will probably answer it for you. I am not shy and it takes a lot to offend me. I am keeping this separate from my other bloglet though because I need a place to discuss these things without our friends saying “T, I am so sorry about all of your life.” That is not what I need, nor what I want from this. I hope if you are reading this, I can help you someway. And lastly, my husband does not read my blog nor does he want to hear about it, so don’t mention it to him. He just gets in a bitchy mood. I guess that about covers everything. I will be back sometime soon to keep you updated on life, love and the pursuit of happiness!

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